Lay down your life

John 15:13 King James Version  "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

I love this bible verse. So much so that I asked a friend to cross stitch it for me and it hangs in my kitchen.

On the surface this verse looks really straightforward - it's asking us to die for the people we love. We could probably extend that to the causes we believe in, like our country or fighting injustice. Like Christ. He died for us. Simple, right?

But I think this verse is so much more than that very literal interpretation.

You see, in my super cushy life, I don't have much chance of dying, either for a cause or a person. Because of my lack of exposure to death, and sacrifice in general, it's super easy to believe that I'd really die for another. (This is the part where I start singing "Ride" by 21 Pilots: "a bullet for them, a bullet for you, a bullet for everybody in this room. But I don't see many bullets coming through...metaphorically I'm the man, but literally I don't know what I'd do." It's a great song. Go YouTube it.)

Because for most of us our lives are unlikely to be demanded of us, we feel we can hear this verse and walk away in smug self righteousness. "I'd totally die for my neighbor. Go me!" End of story, right? Not only is that probably untrue, but it's incredibly shortsighted. There is so much more demanded of us in this verse. You see, we are conflating the words life and death. The story of our lives is not summed up by how we die! (Imagine the obituaries that would make! Lol!) If we understand that our lives are more than just how we die, why do we treat this verse so narrowly?!

For me, this verse can be boiled down to 2 things:

1) Live for others.

2) Risk yourself.

I can't really treat them as separate topics, though, because they are inextricably linked. So here goes!

Lay down your life for your friends to me means "live your life for others, not for yourself." This kind of self sacrificial living is a much greater demand than simply becoming a martyr for a cause, or a human shield. It expects us to live for others EVERY SINGLE DAY instead of just one moment of extreme conflict. Now, don't get me wrong, standing up to injustice when your life is on the line doesn't sound easy. But this verse challenges us to live each and every single day of our existence in a certain way. That takes diligence and practice and perseverance. (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.." I want this one in my kitchen, too. It was in my kitchen growing up.) We live our lives for others by valuing the welfare of the people around us (and in this global world, that means EVERYBODY) more than we value our own. That doesn't mean self abuse. It means making choices that allow others to shine, even if we do not. It means not getting our way all the time, and not whining about it or calling attention to it.

Ok, so we live our lives for others. But nuts and bolts, what does that MEAN? Well, here comes #2. We risk ourselves. And for us in our soft beds and comfortable lives that may sound weird. What is risky about the way we live? And I say, exactly! So what holds us back from doing the right thing - letting your husband pick the movie on movie night; re-prioritizing when you are busy up to here and someone comes to you in need; spending your money wisely so you have enough to give to others with greater need than you; approaching a homeless person and trying to help; asking someone on the side of the road if they need a ride or a jump or a cell phone; sticking up for a cashier or waitress getting abused by another customer; confronting that friend who is saying something racist; publicly admitting you are a Christian... What in the world stops us? Fear and Pride.

We are afraid of so many things in our world that shouldn't be scary. But the biggest one? Looking (or sounding) stupid. And where does that utterly irrational fear come from? PRIDE. We don't want to lose our standing in social circles by doing something daring. Uncomfortable. Unpopular. Nonconformist. RIGHT.

Well, my friends, I challenge you to risk yourself to live for others today. Go out there in the world that is lacking in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, and put yourself out there. Try something small to get you started. My favorite one to suggest is saying "God bless you" instead of just "Bless you" to people. It's subtle, but a start. Get your mind thinking about the ACTUAL consequences of doing a particular thing - is there really going to be a backlash? What is it? Is it more important to avoid those negative consequences and allow the situation to continue as is, or is there more value in acting? Get in the habit of making a quick pro/con list in your head when you see a situation. And then act.



A side note/disclaimer: I do not have any kind of degree in theology. My thoughts are my own and may or may not be absolutely correct. I also am super duper flawed. I do not practice what I preach. As Paul said (Romans 7:15;18-19 NIV) "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." So please, don't look at me and my stupid messed up sinful self and use it as a reason to hate Christians for being duplicitous and hypocritical. I freely admit that I am no better than you or anyone else. I struggle all the same as you. However, I am trying to listen to the Word and figure out what that means for me, in my slice of existence for my speck on the globe at this moment in history. Those are the thoughts I have shared here.

Listen to people who don't agree with you

A few years back, when this blog was more active, I read a book called Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and I began writing this post. The world has changed profoundly since I began writing this, and I think the message here is more important than ever.

Back to Rich Dad, Poor Dad: Simply put, it is inflammatory. The first half of the book was so infuriating, I wasn't sure reading it was good for my health. My blood pressure skyrocketed every time I cracked the cover, because I would get SO angry with what he said.

But I stuck with it. I read the whole book. Context didn't help me agree with him, but I understood his arguments. And while I don't agree with him on a LOT of things, I do actually agree with him on some things. And that was really surprising. Because, while we can be just POLAR OPPOSITES on some things, we did have some things in common. When I started the book I thought there was going to be absolutely nothing in there of any value because we were so far apart on so much. Our values were out of sync. But the truth is, I learned from it.  I learned how he looks at the world, and what he believes to be true. I listened to his arguments and even though I disagreed with a lot of the conclusions he came up with (as well as some premises that he began with) I just kept reading.

What I do next is up to me. I get to decide whether or not I agree, whether his ideas are sound, and whether or not I will choose to take some of his advice, or any at all.  But if I had not read his book, I would not get the benefit of another perspective. I couldn't possibly have understood his points without reading what his justifications were.  I could have assumed I understood, but I wouldn't have, in reality. So listen. Think. And THEN decide.

I am not telling you to swallow everything every book/person/news article/etc. feeds you. Quite the opposite. But when we listen with open minds rather than shutting down when someone doesn't agree with us, we expand our mindset and learn to make changes to our own beliefs and worldview.  It makes us better people.  So try not to get mad, try not to throw books out windows, and decide for yourself what is right and what is garbage.  But don't shut it out.  It could teach you something.

Further reading: How One Man Convinced 200 Ku Klux Klan Members To Give Up Their Robes

On Being Brave, Not Perfect

I listen to public radio. Like, a LOT. Yesterday as I was running errands for my mother in law, I caught part of an episode of On Point. The guest was Reshma Saujani, the woman who started Girls Who Code - a program that encourages girls to explore technology with the hopes of bridging the gender gap in the industry.  But she wasn't talking about coding... She was talking about sociology.

Her argument is that we as a society foster risk taking in boys while we teach girls to be perfect.  Doesn't sound so sinister. And yet, she pointed out the damage this does.  Women do not want to fail. I don't think anyone LOVES failure, but women really really don't.  We would rather quit entirely than fail at something.  And when we do, we experience massive backlash, both from our own internal monologue AND from the world around us.  We think that if we are not naturally amazing at something, it is not worth doing.  Being "just ok" at something is not acceptable.  We must either excel, or do something else. Listening to this show, I slowly began to realize that this had been the habit of my ENTIRE LIFE, including the conversation I had had with my husband that morning.

You see, I like being the best.  I get a lot of pleasure out of having the best brownies or the cutest outfit or making the prettiest things. But its not just pleasure.  I also NEED that positive reinforcement to feel I am doing well. But its not just feeling like I am doing well.  I CRAVE that positive reinforcement to tell myself I am a worthwhile person.  So failure?  Well that basically tells me I AM a failure.  Not that I did something wrong, but that something is wrong with ME as a PERSON.  That my value as a human on this earth is somehow lessened. It sounds preposterous when I type it out, but as I sit here writing, I can list you out dozens of times I have been paralyzed for fear of failure.  Here's a particularly good one.  I did not write the final English paper in my Junior year of high school.  It was worth more than half my grade.  I did that a lot in school, you see.  If I didn't know exactly how to begin and how to make it THE BEST PAPER EVER, I simply wouldn't start.  I failed a lot of classes that way, but I didn't fail the assignment... I simply got no points because I couldn't bear to be scrutinized and be found lacking. If I never tried, I couldn't fail.  Repeat that about a hundred times and you have my high school career. And Jr. Hi.  And basically everything after 2nd grade. Yikes.

So that leads me to today.  I missed a big chunk of the show, so I listened to it this morning via podcast. My world opened.  Her closing words were some advice on how to be brave.  The first was to practice being imperfect.  The last one was something like "just do it" so I decided to Nike myself.  I have wanted to write a blog for so long.  But I worried about things like, "what if no one reads it" and "what if people disagree with me and argue in the comments and its upsetting" or "what if what I write isn't correct" or "what if I never get any followers" or "what if it doesn't have a unifying theme and all my posts seem haphazard" or "what if I don't look professional..."  I constantly cut myself down over real or imagined threats to my perfection and therefore my self worth.  So here I am, publishing a post I have NOT rewritten 100 times.  Or even twice (Edited to add: yeah ok, I couldn't do it... I ended up at least proofreading and changing some wording...).  Although I did google the definition of sociology just to make sure I was using it right.  And of course I looked up Reshma's name so I could spell it correctly.  Twice.  But I am putting myself out there.  Raw and unfiltered.  Bravely.  Because with all the time I would spend agonizing over this post and rewriting it forever and then NEVER ACTUALLY PUBLISHING IT, I could be doing what I really want to do... Going back to school for fashion design.  Yep, that's the conversation I had with my husband this morning.  I am tired of being too afraid to live my life. Here is to many more brave, imperfect moments.  Let's do this together, women!

Never Pay Full Price and Making your own deals

Part of making money is saving money, right?  Everyone knows that a penny saved is a penny earned, and I don't know anyone who blatantly wants to overpay for things.  However, looking for good deals can be confusing.  How do you know you are getting a good deal?  How do you know when is a good time to buy? Where do you go to find amazing deals?  Well, lets try to demystify some of this...

I am a firm believer in the principle of "never pay full price" (aka NPFP).  I think it comes from my crafty side.  If you are crafty, you probably know that you never go to Joann's or Michael's without a 40% off coupon AT LEAST.  30% off is maybe acceptable if you have to have it right away, but if you can wait, there will be a 50% off coupon or sale coming up at some point.  So hold out and look for the deals.  Why do I know this?  Well, I shop there frequently, and I am familiar with how their ads work and I know the inventory they sell intimately.  I also know there are other shops around and if I can't get it one place I can get it another.  I also know when an unbelievable deal comes around, and I buy what I need then.  I shop a lot, so I know what a good or a great deal looks like.

If you aren't shopping craft stores, these principles still hold true.  If you buy groceries a lot, you may notice that milk coupons come out about every two weeks, and when one store has one, usually they all do.  If you are like my family, you can't go 2 weeks without buying milk, so I hit up more than one store to use my milk coupons or I go to somewhere like Walmart that takes competitors coupons, and I stock up ahead of time.  Milk expires, but not THAT fast, and I know we will use it.  I also know that once in a while my local store has amazing deals on canned goods.  I buy as many as they will let me (or usually a case if they have no limit) because I know I will go through them, and they have a long shelf life.  If you wont drink that much milk or use that many canned tomatoes before they go bad, don't fall into the trap of buying up on it only to throw it out.  Know your household needs, and buy the things that work best for you.

So how do you find out what a good or a GREAT deal looks like?  The answer - do your research. For things like groceries, you need to do it a lot.  For larger items, you need to do some shopping around. Get yourself comfortable with pricing and asking questions.   Ask sales people if there are any promotions coming up, and also ask about ones that just ended that they can still sneak you in on (sometimes it is easier to get them to cut you a deal if they know they will get a sale on the spot). Talk to others about it and see what they are seeing and spending. Look online for sales.  Even if they are not in your area, you may be able to get an idea for what a good sale price looks like and then wait until one comes up by you.

Next, how do you know when to buy?  Well, first of all, don't be in a hurry.  If you wait to purchase something until you need it right away, you don't have time to wait for the good deals.  Plan large purchases as much in advance as you can.  For many those large items you only buy once in a great while, like appliances, cars, or electronics, there are certain times of the year that are better than others for buying. Most consumables and durable goods have a cycle, meaning they come out with a new model around the same time.  There are tons of guides out there from consumer organizations and budget or shopping bloggers that can help you figure out when items are going to be clearanced out to make way for incoming stock or to clear space as the seasons change.  As long as you don't mind having last year's model of washer and dryer or waiting until summer is over to get that larger grill you have had your eye on, this is a great way to save.  Save even more by buying floor models.  A few dings and dents can save you a bundle!  This also applies for smaller things like clothes and food, but you may be less likely to wait when the payoff isn't as big, and I don't blame you! Decide what your needs are and wait only when it makes sense to you.

Over time, I found myself wishing I had a coupon for 40% off for everything.  I went to the grocery store, and I wished I could pay less for the meat or flour I was buying.  I went to get a new computer after mine died, and I swear I felt physical pain paying sticker for it.  Buying Christmas presents, I wished everything went on sale as much as I wanted, and even if it was on sale, I wanted a better deal.  Our last question was, where do you find amazing deals?  You can go to flea markets, garage sales, outlet stores, and more, but this is kind of a trick question.  The answer is, don't find them, make them.  When you go to the store to buy a new fridge, knowing that you are buying at the time when the new models are coming out and you have your eye on the floor model, let the sales person know that you saw a similar fridge at a competitor's store for less and ask if they will match the price, or ask if you can get a % off discount because there is a large scratch on the door, or ask if they can apply the promotion they are using to clearance their stock on the floor models, too... Don't be afraid to ask for a good deal.  There are about a million ways to talk a price down, and generally, you will be successful.  Be creative, and most importantly, don't be shy.  Bartering is a skill that many cultures nurture from birth, but us Americans seem to have missed the boat.  Haggling over price makes us so uncomfortable, we would rather pay way more than necessary to avoid doing it.  Its a bummer that it makes us so uncomfortable, but that has some bonuses, too.  People you are buying from are also so unused to people asking for a deal, they rarely say no.  Use the social awkwardness to your advantage and make yourself a GREAT deal!  You should still attempt to find those great shops that always have a good deal or hit up craigslist and local garage sales for things, but never miss the opportunity to haggle, even in a retail store.

Do your research, shop around, look for the right time, ask for a deal, and buy up when you find a GREAT deal.  You could be pleasantly surprised, and your wallet might be, too!

A note on haggling:  This can be a slippery moral slope.  Many people view haggling as dishonest or rude because you are "cheating" someone. That is simply not true.  Garage sales and craft fairs are a few examples of when people expect to haggle, but even your local chain store has a large markup they can come down on.  I take the opinion that it is the seller's responsibility to stay firm on a price.  The seller always retains the right to decline a sale.  That said, I may argue my case, but I will never manipulate someone into doing something they clearly are not comfortable with.  Bottom line: if it feels slimy and wrong, don't do it.

Be Bold - Changing your life.

Many, many months ago, I began a "series" (don't know if I can call it that when I have posted precisely once this YEAR so far) about self improvement; A guide to changing your life.  I gleaned a lot of this information from my own life, but much of it has come from tons and tons of self help/motivational books I have read recently.  All the books had one thing in common - they taught me something.  Some of them taught me what I DON'T believe, but even that is important.  So, here is the first of what I learned.  These are not in order of what I believe to be important, just kind of how it all spilled out of me in my writing process :-)  I hope you learn something - even if it is that we disagree!

BE BOLD
Fear is prevalent in our society.  And no, I am not talking about fear of people crashing planes into buildings, fear of diseases run rampant, or fear of guns in schools.  Those things are terrifying, no argument there, but I am talking about something that is far more insidious and that affects our lives in a much more daily and negative way.

I am talking about social fears.  These are the fears that come from some secret behavioral code we have all been taught just by growing up in our culture. These are things like being afraid to speak your mind for fear of what others will think, fear of failure, and being afraid that people will not love or accept you. These fears keep us from trying new things and achieving our true potential because we believe the fallout to be unlivable. What if I fail?  What if people make fun of me?  What will he or she say? or do? or think?

This social fear comes from our culture and our interconnectedness with one another.  This in itself is not bad, but in our minds we take things too far and paralyze ourselves.  As a child I was taught that pride was a sin and that the meek would inherit the earth.  I agree with both of these statements, but my perception of their meaning has changed over the years.  As a kid, I thought that believing that you had done a good job was bad, and the only way to respond to compliments was to deflect them to show modesty.  Self deprecating humor became my armor of choice.  I felt that I shouldn't strive to be really, undeniably good at something because there would be no way to remain modest... This sounds a bit silly, but I think a lot of people fall into these traps to some degree.  Avoiding compliments, seeing only the bad in what you do instead of recognizing how much you learned or how far you have come, giving credit to someone else, comparing yourself to someone else who appears to be better... all of these are common pitfalls.  We often undermine our successes because culturally, we are supposed to strive for personal betterment.  I am not saying be complacent (that is a whole other topic actually!) but recognize your accomplishments. My adult brain sees those two statements differently.  It is good to have pride in a job well done, to have pride in yourself, and to have pride in your accomplishments.  Pride that tells you that you are better than others is bad.  Pride that leads you to say you can do something that you cannot is bad. Pride that demeans others is bad.  But pride, when it is justifiable, can lead us to believe in ourselves and our abilities, which allows us to try bigger, harder things.

And then there is meekness.  Well, God has this way of flipping the world on its head: the first shall be last and the last shall be first and all that jazz.  Those that are striving to come out on top, that shove to the front of the line without regard for others, or that are eager to elevate themselves artificially will lose.  But those that are calm, patient, and encourage others will have their accomplishments respected and will be deeply successful (even if the world rewards the first with money and power and not always the last, I think that true success must allow for more than dollar signs).  That is meekness.  Meekness and boldness are not mutually exclusive.  You see, boldness requires us to put off social constructs and listen to the voice inside of us.  The one that says we CAN do something even though it is awkward or hard or difficult or scary.  Meekness simply says that we shouldn't undermine others to gain something, not that we shouldn't try to succeed.

Our perceptions of others' perceptions of us is another hurdle. Read that again... What we think that other people think about us.  Its a convoluted statement because its a convoluted concept.  When we think that others will reject us if we do something "strange" or don't follow a prescribed path in life, we are really projecting our own beliefs onto others.  We don't know what others think.  In fact, we CAN'T know.  Even if someone tells us, we cannot be 100% sure it is true.  So we have to make up the rest.  It is pure fiction.  I won't go into "who cares what others think" because lets be real.  We care.  However, there are a few ways to cope with the negative self talk.  One, people rarely think about you as much as you do.  You are the center of your universe.  Your life is the only life you are living.  You don't obsess over someone else's life, even a best friend or spouse or even child, like you do your own.  They don't obsess over yours, either. They have their own problems and pay more attention to themselves.  Two, when we make up in our heads what others may think, we are using our own worldview to simulate what they may be thinking.  Since everyone has their own experiences that shape their responses to different stimuli, we can't possibly simulate how someone will react to something with any kind of accuracy.  Finally, you more closely scrutinize yourself and you see more flaws than others do.  As I said earlier, we tend to fixate on the negative first.  Others probably see the whole a lot better than we do and don't have the negative bias we do so think of it more favorably.  So others probably think of you better than you do, if they even bother thinking of your situation at all... Certainly not a good excuse for fear.

Finally, back to boldness...Being bold means taking your confidence in yourself and stretching it.  I will talk later about deliberate practice, but for now, lets just say that you can't get better unless you try new things that challenge you.  When you try something hard or unfamiliar you are gambling.  There is a much higher likelihood of failure than with something you have done before with success.  But what does failure do? Nothing bad.  It shakes our confidence a bit, but only as much as we allow.  However, it doesn't do nothing.  It teaches us something about what we have just tried, even if it is only what doesn't work.  Failure is a sign that we are trying hard, much harder than most people do, and that is a serious positive (and something to take justifiable pride in).  Failure has virtually no negative side effects except those we do to ourselves and our confidence.  Some failures may cost time or money, but you can work up to those kinds of risks, and money can be earned again and time is wasted if you are not growing, so even those are not good enough reasons not to try.  I think we see failure as an indication that we are more likely to fail in the future. However, once we have failed at something, we are more familiar with the challenge and more practiced at it.  Therefore, we are more likely to succeed the more we fail!

If we only ever do things within our comfort zone and never try anything that scares us, we will never grow.  Encountering novel situations is scary because of the risk of failure, but when we realize that we are capable (admitting we have skills and building our confidence), that we should strive for excellence (this doesn't undermine our meekness), that others are far less critical of our failings than we are (because they are busy worrying about their own lives to care), and that failure is not a negative, it helps release us from the crushing doubt that keeps us from living to our full potential.  So while its okay to be nervous, don't let the crushing fears overcome you - they aren't real, they are just social constructs we think are real.  Now that you are free, go out there and fail. You just might succeed.

Change: A How-to Guide of sorts

The past several years have been ones of great change for my husband and me.  We moved in together and had to combine our personal finances.  We got married.  We had a child.  We started looking at the future: things like life insurance, 401ks, and college savings plans became very important to us, but the more we looked at things the more alien they seemed.  We learned to budget.  We learned to stick to our budget (and no, those are NOT the same thing).  We learned how to save.  We learned how to cut out the extras and figure out what is really important. I started an online business, and my husband took on a part time teaching job.  We got involved in our church and took on responsibilities there.  And somewhere in there I made a New Year's resolution to read more nonfiction. 

You see, my husband is not much of a reader.  I have loved to read ever since I was 4.  My grandmother taught me to read early, and I loved the escape a story could offer me.  My husband was taught to read without phonics, and so he struggled.  He was not very fast at it, and he did not do it for pleasure.  However, he is a smart man, and he likes learning about things.  So once in a while, if a book is given to him or recommended to him, he will read one.  Because I read for fun, I read popular fiction.  Because he reads to learn, he reads nonfiction.  He always has interesting things to say about the books he chooses to read, and because they are few and far between, he gets a lot out of them.  I forget half the last story before I am through the next book.

All of this change forced us to take stock of our lives and learn some things.  I used to live 2 hours away from my husband.  I hated my job, and after we were engaged we started talking about me moving to the same city.  However, after a diligent search, I was having trouble finding a job.  My lease was ending, and we had to determine whether or not we could make ends meet on a single income if I moved.  So we made a budget.  Only the essentials.  The outlook didn't look good, but it was do-able.  We cut out things like cable, eating out, and having any fun whatsoever.  My husband took a second job.  I scrimped and pinched pennies while trying my hand at craft fairs and Etsy.

We got the opportunity to take a class called "Financial Peace University" at our church.  I know a lot of things have been said about Dave Ramsey and his ideas and his empire, but all that judging aside, it really helped us on our journey. We were already doing most of what he recommended, but had we taken his class a few years earlier it could have saved us a lot of headache.

Sometime after that, I decided to do what my husband does and read some things that would teach me something instead of entertain me.  I made a resolution to read one book every 2 months, and while I fell short of that goal, I think I came close - to 4 or 5.  Plus a few articles here and there that caught my eye.  All of which is way more than I had ever done before, so I consider it a positive change!  And slowly but surely, some of the things I read started to soak in to my thick skull.  I realized that many smart, successful, happy, well adjusted, effective people had a lot of the same things to say.  Things like how to manage change, or how to be reliable.  Things like being bold in your choices rather than always playing it safe and within your comfort zone.  Things like how to plan for the future and be financially secure.  Really important life skills, basically.  The things that you don't learn in school, even though they often determine your effectiveness in life (note that I didn't say success which changes based on what you value, but your effectiveness: how well you do what you value).  And I found myself stressing these points to friends and family. Even my parents and older relatives that should have it more "figured out" than I do.  And most of them kind of ignored me.  A few seemed to get it, but my passion seemed to fall on deaf ears for the most part.  But I still think it is really important to share what I learned.

So after that exceedingly long introduction, this post is to let you know that I will be starting a series of posts, probably interspersed with more normal posts for me, all about things that I have learned in the last few years.  I will try to keep it personal but applicable to all.  I think telling my story might give it some more impact, but try to keep an open mind when applying it to your own situation.  Not everything will map properly, but think about it and you will find something of use for you in your situation.

Just as a sneak peak, here are some topics I will be covering:

Be bold.
Do what you say you will.
Practice deliberately.
Invest in yourself.
Learn to budget (time and money).

I look forward to exploring these topics and many more with you.  I know this will probably not change the world, but you can't blame a girl for trying.

Trello and Scrum and time management

I have been BUSY lately.  The end of summer saw Renaissance Faire rush orders followed by Halloween, then a week off, and then starting in on the holidays, a vacation thrown in there and now some custom dresses and of course the handmade Christmas gifts.  Blogging has obviously taken a back seat as my posting has been non existent.

With the new rapid rate of life, I have sought out a new way to manage time.  I need a system to track my projects, keep a list of projects I'd like to (eventually) do, and work in home and family life on top of it all.  Keeping things in balance is not always easy, so I wanted a system that I could see where my time was going and how much time I was committing myself to so I didn't get over-extended.

Enter my husband.  He is a software engineer and his company recently began using Agile frameworks to keep track of their ongoing business initiatives, etc.  He heard my constant complaining about working hard all day and never getting anything done.  So, he scrummed me.  Yeah, its not what you think.  Scrum is the Agile framework he has been using at work for software development with much success for the last two years or so.  I've been doing this whole thing for about 6 months now and while it doesn't invent time (I still barely blog), I do find myself finishing things a lot more regularly.

Scrum basically helps you plan how much to do in a certain time frame.  I am really oversimplifying a complex system here, but this is how I use it, so bear with me.  It uses numbers to estimate how much work a project is.  You don't estimate time, you estimate difficulty.  They are correlated, but are not the same thing.  You pick a fairly simple task you do frequently or are familiar with and make it equal to a 3.  Then, you go through your list and compare each item to that baseline item.  Is it easier?  Is it harder?  How much?  Is it half as hard?  Twice as hard?  The beauty of this system is that it uses Fibonacci numbers only to assign to tasks.  It can't be a 4.  It can only be a 3 or a 5.  That way you don't get bogged down in the back and forth decisions about how many points something is. 5 represents something that is roughly twice as hard as your baseline 3, and a 1 or 2 is half as hard. Don't worry if you are not sure... things generally balance out, and over time, you will get better. You can use .5, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, and 21 (I rarely use .5 or 2). Generally, items that are bigger than 21 must be broken down into smaller tasks.  These numbers represent how many "points" a task is worth.  Assigning number values seems complicated, but as you go on it gets easier.

From here, you can choose a number of points to do in a time period called a sprint. I use a week since many of my tasks repeat on a weekly basis.  Each week or sprint, you should try to do a certain number of "points".  Doing a number of points rather than a number of tasks helps protect you from the "I only got ONE THING DONE ALL WEEK... I must be lazy" syndrome.  If its a gigantic project, you get mega points for it.  And I feel deep down like I'm playing a video game.  Who doesn't like points?  you determine how many points you can handle by doing a test sprint and guesstimating how many points you can do then seeing what you actually accomplish.   This number (points per sprint) is called your velocity.  Since everyone's baseline (what they consider 3 points) is different, it is important to note that your velocity will be vastly different from mine.  Just because I do about 40 points per sprint and you do 15 doesn't mean I get more done (in fact, it could be the opposite!).  It just means we are working on different scales.  Don't compare apples to oranges!

But how do you organize everything?  Ahh. The best part.  I use Trello to track my work, a free web application.  It is simply a list system in which you can make different boards containing multiple lists, which contain cards which are the individual tasks.  It sounds a bit confusing, but it actually makes a lot of sense.  A board can be a large project (how my husband uses it at work) or a person (how I use it at home).

The main page of Trello shows all your boards. I only have one lonely board.

I only use one board since I want to track how much home stuff I do as well as how much business stuff I do, and it makes no sense to split them apart.  I need one place for everything.  In that board, I have lists.  My lists are: someday, soon, to do, doing, and done.  I use these lists to organize my cards.  Cards are individual tasks that I put into lists.  My lists help me know when I will do certain tasks, or cards.

FYI: I have way too much to do.  And yes, this is my real list.

Individual cards also have things like labels which can further help sort them, and they can contain notes or checklists to keep ideas or track progress of a complicated project, but those are totally optional.  Play around with them once you get comfortable with the general stuff.

Trello by itself is not a Scrum tool, but I use a Scrum for Trello plugin that allows me to assign points to individual cards and then totals up the number of points I have in each list (those are the blue numbers on the cards and the lists).

Okay, so I have points, a sprint, and lists.  But there is more to the mysterious way of Scrum... you still need a process, right?

So here is the deal.  My someday list holds all my projects that are currently tabled.  They may be UFOs (unfinished objects) or just ideas for new products, they may be administrative tasks like taking pictures and getting new listings up, or they may be long term chores like spring cleaning.  Each week, I go through my cards and try to decide what is important and time sensitive.  I usually end up with about 3 times the number of points I can do in a sprint (the lists above are a perfect example of that - I have way too much and need to sort), so some of the stuff goes into the "soon" list which hypothetically will get done in the following sprint.  Like I said, I need to sort.  Badly.

The "To Do" list is the tasks I have taken on for the week.  This is my sprint.  I take tasks from the "to do" list and move them to the "doing" list, and then when complete, they go to "done" so I can keep track of my progress for the week.  At the end of the sprint, I archive all the cards in my "done" list. (I also record my progress week to week, but that's another optional thing.)

Here is the catch, and quite frankly, the best part. You can only have 2 things in your "doing" list at once.  I used to say 1, but practically speaking, I think 2 or sometimes 3 works better.  Why only 1 (or 2 or 3)?  Well, Scrum is focused on getting things done.  If you try to make progress on 30 different things, you will never finish any of them. If you focus all your energy on one (limit yourself, Jennifer!!), you are forced to complete it before moving on to something else.  In my practical life, I usually have to switch between tasks a bit because I cannot sew while baby sleeps or I don't have internet access right now or things like that, hence the 2 or 3 rule.  But the beauty of it is that it gives you focus.  You pull one card at a time, complete it, then move on.  It means you get #$@% done! And we all want that!

I know this is a whole wazoo of confusing to throw at you, but I LOVE this system, and I think it has really helped my creative crazy get a little more defined and easier to manage.  It keeps me from over booking and it shows me how much I really DO accomplish on a regular basis.  It keeps track of all those awesome ideas I have, but never remember when I have time to spare.  And it also helps keep important stuff from falling through the cracks.  If you have questions, please ask, and I will update this post as needed!  Give Trello and Scrum a shot!  After all, its free!

Reusable Nursing pads

This is a super old project that I never posted on because, well, let's just say I am busy...  Hence the not posting for 7 months.  Oops.  Anywho, I loved these little lifesavers and they saved me a bundle since I didn't have to buy nursing pads for the year and couple months that I breastfed.

My breast feeding experience included a lot of leaking. My milk supply is shall we say... Ample. To give you a nice TMI, if I didn't nurse or express frequently enough, I was likely to shoot your eye out. As a result I burned through breast pads pretty quickly. I didn't want to use disposables since I was trying to be eco friendly, and the reusable pads I found didn't quite work.  The store bought ones were itchy, the handmade ones seemed really expensive, and ones that didn't have the drawbacks above couldn't dried in a dryer.  I laugh thinking about hanging up or laying out billions of tiny little fabric rounds.  People already thought they were coasters all the time.  So not working for me.

So, of course, I decided to make my own. I made some burp cloths and swaddle blankets so I had lots of scrap flannel lying around. I didn't trust layers of flannel to be absorbent enough so I cut up towels to layer between two pretty flannel pieces.

Reusable Nursing Pads

1) Make a cardboard template. Find a circle to use, like a coaster (haha) or bowl, or draw one with a compass (or use the string and a pin method). Mine was about 4" in diameter although a bit bigger might be nice for larger breasted mommies.  I am rather small busted, so adjust as you see fit.

2) Use your template to trace circles on your flannel and your old towel.  You can use a sharpie for this as you will be cutting them out, and if you have a serger, you will be trimming off the ends. For each pair you need 4 flannel circles for the outside and 2 terry cloth (towel) circles for the absorbent layer.

3) Cut out the circles and stack them up flannel, towel, flannel. Make sure the pretty side of the flannel is facing out.  Line up the edges the best you can.

4) Serge the edges, going slowly enough to keep the round shape and all the layers even. Make sure the layers don't bunch. If bunching is a problem, baste the layers together in an x before serging. This should help.  If you don't own a serger, you can turn and top stitch.  It will take longer, but is still really cheap and easy!

Some people say to use PUL (a waterproof material) for the backing. I'm a little afraid to use waterproof material because it's not breathable and can encourage yeast growth which causes thrush.

Don't want to make them yourself?  Check out my Etsy shop to buy a few pairs!

Renaissance Fair time again

Yep.  Its that time of the year again.  I LOVE me some grown-up dress-up.  So what if I never outgrew being 5 and pretending I was a princess?

Years past I have posted random stuff really.  This year is no different.  I am making a peasant/middle class outfit for a friend's girlfriend (she is a friend too so I am not sure why I said it that way, but whatever.  My brain is worthless today).  I had a lot of fun picking out design ideas for her.  Here are the sketches of my initial designs:

This one was my fav, but it was too "upper class."  Darn. I really wanted to make it, too.

Don't know why my scanner beheaded these ones.  Guess my drawing leaves something to be desired.

She liked something along the lines of the drawing on the right from the second set of sketches.  So I am partway through the costume now.  I made the top (from a commercial pattern [Butterick 6196] with some tweaks, of course) and I made all but the clasp on the underskirt, although I made a mistake in my pattern and it will be a bit shorter than I wanted.  I made an 8 gore circle skirt out of triangles but forgot I had to remove some from the top for the waistband.  Oops.  So now its 5" shorter.  Still looks great. Next time I will use trapezoids.  Or make the triangles longer.

Pretty standard, really.

I have the design done for the overskirt, but haven't drafted the pattern yet.  All it will really involve is taking measurements and doing math.  Gross.  Since math went SO well for me on the underskirt.  Its a different style though, so it should be okay.  For this one I am doing a new (to me) technique that takes the waistband out of the center.  I have a skirt that does it.  Basically, you cut two huge semicircles (I'll be doing it with triangles to get the handkerchief hem) and stitch them together except for like 25" or whatever in the very center, and sew the waistband to the middle bit and put your elastic in there and BAM.  You have a SUPER easy skirt.

I will also be making a boned bodice.  That should be pretty straightforward and I plan to use the aforementioned Butterick pattern as my base.  I may make some modifications to the shoulders to add a little flair.  Not sure.  I also (time permitting) want to make a pouch and hairnet for her.  I saw a REALLY neat tutorial on Pinterest on how to make a hairnet, but its in German, so wish me luck.

Also, I made this last year and forgot to post photos.  I have NO idea how I made it anymore since, as with most things, I planned to write down the instructions later since I was too busy to do it as I was working, and now a year has gone by and I have completely forgotten.  I don't even have the finished piece anymore as it was commissioned and is now with its new owner (not that I can't call him up and ask for it back for a day, but still).  When will I ever learn?

An awesome cotton cross body pouch with adjustable strap.  YEAH!  And yes, that is a recycled belt buckle.

Other than a few repairs to my court dress after some abuse it took last year (mostly eyelets coming out... I need to get a proper riveting set) and maybe getting around to a pair of proper breeches for the hubs, I think that is it for this year.  I have not been sewing as much lately since my wedding veils have taken off, and it feels REALLY good to flex that creative muscle again.  Its funny how I binge and then hate sewing, then when I go back I can't remember why I got sick of it!  I'm slowly adding some stuff to my Etsy shop so maybe I can make sewing more a part of my everyday again.

Bleach pen shirt for the cotton anniversary

This is another t shirt craft that I made with a ruined shirt.  Somehow it managed to get some bleach speckles on it - nothing huge mind you, but ugly nonetheless.  Hubs wears these as undershirts anyway, so it stayed in rotation for a good long time, but I finally got tired of seeing him wear it NOT as an undershirt and cringing at the orangey-brown bleach marks.  So I on-purpose bleached the heck out of it!  Stylishly of course...

Stupid bleach spots... I'm gonna cover you!

I made this do double duty as an anniversary gift for Hubs.  I am trying to do a handmade gift every year that corresponds with the traditional list of anniversary gifts (year one is paper, year two is cotton, year three is... well we haven't gotten to 3 years so I don't know yet haha).  Last year I made him a photo book on Blurb.com that was a fairytale starting with how and where we met all the way through our son's birth and so on.  It spanned about 6 years, so there were lots of great pictures and it was both sweet and funny.  This year, I took his shirt and wrote the lyrics to "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.  Bleach pen shirts are all over the interwebz, so I wont go over board on the instructions, but I will share some of my experience with you.

You will need:
a Clorox bleach pen (don't get the color safe one!)
a dark colored t-shirt, preferably a ruined one :-)
several pieces of cardboard that fit in the sleeves and across the whole center of the shirt
latex/rubber gloves
a printed out sheet of your lyrics, poem, whatever
a large work area (I used my floor, but the kitchen table would have been easier)
A full bottle of hydrogen peroxide
A sink or tub for rinsing
a load of whites in the washing machine

Step 1: Arrange your cardboard inside your shirt under the area you want to write on first.  Make sure you slip it between the front and back unless you want bleach bleed through.  I guess that is a look if you want to go for it, but the bleach will soak through unevenly, so beware.  Figure out how you want your writing to look.  If you want, start below the collar to write straight, or you can write on a diagonal across the whole shirt, or you can do a spiral or something else cool - use your imagination.  The song I liked has an interlude by both singers, so I wrote one on each side of the collar then the chorus started across the whole middle.

Step 2: Put on your gloves and begin writing.  Use the narrow tip end of the bleach pen and GENTLY squeeze as you write.  To get it started you may want to dab at a piece of scrap something to get the tip of the pen wet with bleach gel.  You don't need a lot of bleach to make it work, and the less you get out the less it will run and get "blobby" so a thin layer is best.  Just make sure it looks a little wet.  Don't worry overmuch about your penmanship as it will look cool and stylized and nothing like your actual writing, but do leave a little extra space between letters so they don't run together.  Mine is only barely legible, but I like it that way.  Make your letters as big as you want to fit your words well in the pattern you have chosen.  I did a mix of cursive and all caps to lend emphasis and style.  If you want, you can write in chalk first and then trace your letters with the bleach, but I am not that patient, so I went for the big time right away.

Step 3: Write fast.  No, seriously.  You can really damage your shirt if you go too slowly because just like when you get highlights, the bleach is blowing out proteins in the fiber of the shirt which removes the color, but can create holes if you leave it too long.  As you move down the shirt you can skooch the cardboard down with you if you don't have a piece big enough to cover the whole thing, so you aren't bleeding through.  You run less risk of bleed through once you are done writing on the section unless you have saturated the fibers with bleach, which I already told you not to... just sayin.

Step 4: If you are concerned about taking too long to do the whole shirt, take the shirt to the sink and wash out the excess bleach.  Leaving your gloves on, run some water over the shirt and quickly rub out the bleach under the stream.  Work from the top to bottom (or from the words you wrote first to the ones you wrote last).  If you work reasonably quickly and rinse well you wont bleach out the background by rubbing the gel over it.  Squeeze out the excess water.  Pour a little hydrogen peroxide over the lettering until the shirt is saturated, let it sit for a minute or so, then rinse it out.  This will counteract the action of the bleach so you don't continue the chemical reaction blah blah blah.  I used vinegar for mine, but apparently that is super dangerous as the leftover bleach and vinegar can create an INCREDIBLY dangerous gas, so don't do that.  I read up on it since and supposedly peroxide is much safer.  I'm no chemist, so if you injure yourself, please don't sue.  I'm just doin my best here folks :-)  I think I rinsed mine well enough to not run any risk of the chemical reaction, but please be safe.  The gas is so dangerous we are talking one good whiff and you are DEAD.  Double Plus Ungood.

The downside to all this is that you will want to let your shirt at least mostly dry out if not totally before you go back to working on it.  Remember how impatient I am?  But the upside is that you will end up with a much more consistent text color rather than having super light at the top and super dark at the bottom, and the top will be less likely to develop holes over time as you wear the garment.  Again, that whole less damage to the fibers thing.

Step 5: When you are totally done, rinse out the bleach as described in step 4, peroxide it and let it soak for a few, then rinse thoroughly.  Toss in the washer with whites that can handle the bleach (no silk undies) or in an empty washer but shame on you for wasting water, and run a full cycle on hot with two rinses.  I added vinegar to my fabric softener container so it would rinse with vinegar and stop that chemical reaction some more, but again, its up to you to determine the safety factors.  Dry as usual.  For the next few washes you may want to avoid washing with darks that may be damaged by bleach, but by this point with all the chemical neutralizing we have done, you are probably pretty safe.

Bottom Line:
shirt: free for me, but a new one runs maybe $5
peroxide: $1 from the dollar store, maybe less.
Bleach pen: about $3

Total - for me, $3.  Not bad for an anniversary gift!
If you have to buy everything, $9 (depending on how much writing you do, you may have enough bleach pen to do more shirts, too!)

Time: with no stops for rinsing, about 30 minutes plus washing and drying.  With stops for rinsing, about 2:30, maybe more if its a humid day.

I plan to play with this for more shirts that have been ruined by stains, bleach, etc, to give them a cool new life.  I also want to try the spray bottle bleach with a stencil method as that seems like it would go faster and has different options for graphics and large images.  I'm pretty happy with how it turned out and the hubs says he will totally wear it, so hooray!  Happy anniversary baby!

Bigger box is not always better

Costco is great, right?  Everything anyone could possibly need all under one enormous roof.  Food, clothing, electronics, jewelry, even a gas station and auto repair center!  Who doesn't like a one stop shop?

Also, you have this cool membership card that allows you access to all these great deals on bulk items!  Who doesn't like being part of an exclusive club that saves money?!

What a great package!
Almost.

I love Costco and its other big box companions up to a point.  Don't get me wrong, I shop there from time to time for things like rice, flour, sugar, and canned goods (I go through an ungodly amount of these cooking from scratch all the time), but I always have to do some serious math while shopping because not everything is a good deal.  I am a huge bargain shopper, and I can tell you off the top of my head how much general canned goods, dairy of various types, and meats should cost, on sale, at least for my part of the country.  That serves me well, because I can calculate how much the items at Costco are costing me per unit and compare to my grocery store deals.  And guess what.  Costco is often NOT cheaper.  Not by a long shot.

Here's the rub.  Costco carries name brand products.  Buying in bulk means they don't carry a wide selection of items.  Sometimes they also have their Kirkland store brand, which is often times cheaper, but if not, you are stuck paying name brand prices.  Grocery stores carry name brand, store brand, and off-brand products.  Especially with store brand stuff, they can deeply discount and still make a huge profit margin because they don't have distributors to pay or minimum prices to meet as set by the company.  Therefore, you, the consumer, can pick them up for cheap on sale.  Costco stuff doesn't go on sale.  Costco prices are lower than regular grocery store prices on brand name items.  But don't go blindly assuming that you can do better at Costco than at your local grocery store.

When you add in the cost of the membership, unless you are buying big ticket items like electronics, are doing a lot of catering via their deli, or buy a LOT of things in bulk, its hard to justify doing much shopping at Costco.  You have to save more than $50 per year to just break even. I also think people go bulk happy and get overly excited about buying 6 tons of canned beets, so maybe some of the purchases are a little unnecessary.  Its hard to ignore all the cool stuff, especially when you are "saving so much!"

However, Costco has its place.  It does offer cool stuff like organics and uncommon items like quinoa, bulgur, etc.  It does offer a break on things that seldom go on sale, like flour, sugar, some produce items, etc, and buying those in large quantities really does beat the grocery store prices, if you use it all up in time.  The Kirkland brand stuff is good quality and you can save a bundle over the national brands.  If you already buy a lot of brand names and packaged foods, you can save some money.  For things I don't like to sacrifice quality on, such as toilet paper and paper towels, I like the Kirkland brand because it is still reasonably priced.

Some tips for getting out with your wallet in tact?
1) STICK TO A LIST! Costco is very alluring, but unlike the grocery store where an impulse buy may cost you $5, Costco can easily hit you at $20 or more.

2) Know your prices.  If you know how much a sale price for cheese or meat is before you shop, you can make the best selections and skip the not so great deals.  Keep a calculator handy if you need to!

3) Shop with friends and family.  I piggyback off of my in-laws' membership so I'm not out the annual fee, otherwise I don't think the savings would amount to much.  We also split large boxes of some stuff so we can cut the cost in half and are less likely to waste items that have gone stale or spoiled.

4) Only go periodically and buy products you know.  I wait till I am out of several items before I make a Costco run.  I come home with less unnecessary items if I go less frequently, plus my grocery budget has a chance to build up before I drop $150 on one grocery trip. Also, I try to avoid lots of new items so I am not stuck with a huge case of something I don't like.

Well, there you have it!  Big box stores can be a great way to save for your family, but be careful and compare prices. These tips also apply to dollar stores, so know your prices, stick to a list, and you will be okay!  Happy shopping!

Things they don't tell new moms

Several of my friends are expecting and due very soon or just had babies.  And lots and lots of us have small children and are going through that insanity all together.  I decided I would dedicate a blog post to non-traditional advice.  Here are some of the most useful things I was told, or I seriously wish someone had told me so I didnt feel like an idiot or like a horrible mom.  These are my top 10 pieces of advice for new moms (dads, too, but this is written with moms in mind).

1) Your kid will roll off the bed, couch, or changing table, eat dirt, hit his or her head, swallow a non-food item, bleed on occasion, and otherwise attempt to maim himself/herself.  This is normal.  This does NOT make you a bad parent or neglectful.  Someone once told me that moms in Africa let their babies touch the fire once so they learn not to touch fire.  This is how they learn, and truly, what doesn't kill them makes them stronger.  Babies are built to learn things the hard way.  And you CAN NOT watch them every second.  See also: running fevers, diaper rashes, and throwing huge tantrums in the middle of the store.

2) You will hate your baby from time to time.  Some people feel it more than others, but at some point you will probably be so exhausted, frustrated, confused, and overwhelmed, you will want to give your child away or maybe even be tempted to do something like throw them out the window (my personal feelings on many an occasion when little man would not sleep for love or money).  This is normal.  You aren't a bad mom.  The thoughts are super scary, but you wont hurt your baby (if you think you will, seek counseling - the feelings are still normal but you could probably use some help).  You are totally capable, and you CAN do this, but you need a break.  Go get a friend, dad, your parents, a neighbor, anyone.  Take a few minutes to yourself, and longer if you can.  If no one else is around, put the baby in a safe place like the carseat (inside only please) or crib and take a break.  Go to a place you cannot hear him or her and breathe.  Don't watch the clock, just chill for a little while until you feel better.  You still need a real break later, but that will help get you through.  When you can, take a long shower, go shopping, or do something without baby for a while and focus on you.  You need breaks, and your baby needs to get used to periods where you are unavailable.  (my mom said she wanted to smother me with a pillow once just so I would stop crying... not really maliciously, but still shocking unless you are living it!)

3) You deserve to have a partner for night feedings.  So many moms who are on maternity or stay at home feel that if dad is getting up to go to work, he must sleep undisturbed all night.  WRONG!  If you are bottle feeding, let dad take a shift overnight.  If you are nursing, try what hubs and I did - he woke up and diapered, then I nursed little man back to sleep and put him back in his cosleeper.  The little extra help kept me from waking up totally, so all of us fell asleep faster.  Do what works for you, but just because he is at work does not make dad unavailable at night.

4) Keep an extra outfit in the diaper bag.  Not for the baby; that goes without saying.  I am talking about YOU.  And as soon as you leave it in the trunk of your car someone else will drive.  And there is nothing worse than smelling like poop from a blowout diaper or like vomit from that one last burp at a fun party that you really don't want to leave because its the first one you've been to in weeks.  Wearing your old gym shirt is better.  I promise.

5) You do not need every dang gadget on the face of the planet. Baby manufacturers do not make products to make your life easier.  They exist for one purpose only: to separate you from your money.  Aside from the basics like a crib, carseat, and high chair, stuff that you do need you can probably borrow.  I have a swing up for grabs.  And let other people buy the toys.  If you have any surviving family members they will spoil the heck out of that kid.

6) Ask for help.  You can't possibly do all the laundry, make meals, take care of older kids, blah blah blah, and be superwoman.  Women before us had sisters, mothers, in laws, friends, etc to help them with new babies.  We as modern women need to learn to ask for help.  Chances are all of the above would LOVE a little face time with the new baby while you shower or would love to come over and bring you a lasagna and give a kissy and a snuggle to the bundle of joy.  The flip side of this one is that people are NOT allowed to come see the baby unless they do something for you, ie: bring food, clean something, baby sit, etc.  People will break your door down wanting to visit.  Put those visitors to work!  They probably don't mind and even if they do, that will just ensure they don't come back to bug you.

7)  They will not remember their first birthday.  Or Christmas.  Or Easter, or Valentine's Day, or Groundhog Day, or Arbor day.  Don't panic if you don't pull out all the stops for every holiday.  Sometimes you're just too tired, and that is okay.  A quiet little gathering at home with just you two or three is just fine.  No one will be disappointed.  Promise.  In ten years no one will even remember.

8) No one knows your baby better than you do.  Read all the books you want, listen to the doctors, listen to parents, friends, strangers, but follow your heart.  Your mother's intuition and what you feel is right for you and your baby is almost always the best answer.  I hesitate to say always for fear of the exception trolls, but in my experience, always. Parenting comes with some tough decisions: cosleeping, feeding, discipline, teaching, potty training... Others know what worked for them, what worked for the majority, or what works scientifically, but only you know what works for your family.  With that, ignore any conflicting advice, including the ones listed here as it applies.  Tell pushy advice givers that you will "take that under consideration" to get out of agreeing with them.

9) Your nursery does not need to look like it fell out of the pages of a magazine.  Buy stuff that you can second hand, so long as it is safe, in good condition, and not recalled or anything.  Not everything has to match or follow a theme (or even be gender appropriate colors).  It will be a whole lot easier to dress your baby in a fancy dress that will probably be pooped and spit up on inside of 5 minutes when you only paid $5 and not $50 for it.  It will stress you out much much less when something does get ruined.  Plus, other babies only stay in clothes for about 5 minutes, too, so many used clothes look brand new because they were only worn once!  And trust me, your son doesn't care that he is eating off of bunny rabbit plates and got dried off with a pink towel.  It will not scar him for life.

10) He/She is just a BABY.  Babies don't do naughty or annoying things on purpose.  They don't wait till you are eating to be hungry or wake up 6 times between 1 and 5 AM just to spite you.  It will feel like it.  But when you are at the end of your rope, take a break and tell yourself that he or she is just a helpless little one and that you mean everything to him or her, and that is why he or she wont sleep unless you are right there.  Remember how you looked forward to meeting him or her and relish the sweet moments where you are the center of his or her world.


Well, those are my top 10.  What is your advice for new moms/dads?

Orange cranberry rice recipe

Hey everyone!  I am super excited to share a tasty recipe I MADE ALL BY MYSELF.  That's right.  I rule.

Downside.  It was a last minute weeknight meal discovery, and I have no photos.  But I am sure you will do just fine.

Orange-cranberry rice with toasted almonds
1c almonds
1/2 c dried cranberries
2 c white jasmine rice (brown jasmine would work great too, but the cooking times will be different)
3 1/2 c water
1 orange

1) in a medium saucepan, combine the water and rice.  Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer.

2) Rinse the outside of the orange off and remove labels, etc.  Zest the entire orange over the pan.  Cut the orange in half, and use a citrus press or your hands to squeeze the juice of the orange into the pan.  Add cranberries and gently fold to combine everything, being careful not to bruise the grains of rice (over stirring will make the rice very sticky). Cover the pan and cook about 20 minutes, or until rice is tender and all the water has been absorbed.

3) Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 350.  Coarsely chop the almonds with a knife.  I have not yet found an "easy" way to do this that keeps my fingers safe, so just chop each one, one at a time.  You don't need to cut them really finely, just into 3 or 4 pieces from each almond.  Bigger gives more crunch!  Spread the nuts out on a baking sheet and bake the almonds about 7 minutes, or until they are lightly golden brown and fragrant.

4) Fluff the cooked rice with a fork and scoop onto a plate.  Sprinkle the nuts on top of the rice and serve.

I made this VERY impromptu side with Caribean Jerk Chicken that my hubs grilled up along with some veggie kabobs.  The sweet rice went very well with the spicy chicken, and the smoky grilled flavor of the veggies.  I wouldn't pair it with anything bland as I think the flavor will be really off, but with something spicy, it is perfect.  Hope you like it!
Enjoy!!

30 second workout

Okay, okay, I admit.  I sensationalized the title in hopes of getting some extra interest.  But wait!  Don't leave!  You really can work out in 30 seconds!

Back story: I had a baby almost a year and a half ago.  I've since lost my baby weight and I fit in my clothes, but I feel like my body is not the same.  My abs look stretched out and I have really let myself get weak and have basically no tone.  Last spring and summer I was way too overwhelmed to do anything about it, so I got myself a one-piece swimsuit and called it a day.

I'm not pale, I'm porcelain...

Now I am not saying I ever want to show off my playboy bunny print bikini again since I am someone's MOM after all, but I'd like to avoid letting myself go just because I am "too busy" to care about my health and my figure.  I REALLY REALLY don't have time to work out.  I know lots of people use that as an excuse, but I see it more as a hurdle to be overcome than an excuse.  I have a lot of obstacles to doing traditional workouts: we only have one car, so during the day I can't get to a gym and at night I try to spend time with the family; we live in a climate that has seasons, so its often too hot or too cold to work out outside; we have a small condo, and I don't have room for exercise equipment or even much room to do regular floor workouts; I am very busy between caring for my family and running my small business, and I don't have large blocks of time in my day, so it has to be quick; I don't have money in the budget to pay for basically ANY equipment, even the cheap ones; and finally and probably the most "overcome-able" is the fact that I HATE HATE HATE working out in the traditional way.  I hate lifting weights, if you want to see me run, mention a treadmill and I will run AWAY from it, and just about every workout bores me to tears.  That was fine when hubby and I were ballroom dancing all the time and I could trick my body into working out, but now, well, no time, no sitters, etc etc etc.

So let's see. Has to be at home, preferably indoors, no large (or really even small) equipment, can be done in a small space, can be done quickly, and isn't mind numbing.

My answer is doing simple PE style workouts throughout the day.  It sounds silly, and to be honest it feels silly while I am doing it, but its the only way I could cram a real workout into my incredibly busy schedule.  I do things like lunges, squats, jumping jacks, planks, and something that is apparently called a burpee pushup (saw it on TV once and had to google it to figure out what it was called) randomly throughout the day.  I keep a list that I check off daily on Remember the Milk, a great little app that I use in general for to-do lists, and it automatically repeats for the number of sets I decide on every weekday - I take weekends off to rest and play.

The best part is, I don't do them all at the same time.  I don't do a solid 20 minute workout.  Its hard for me to carve 20 consecutive minutes out of my day, but it is remarkably easy to take 1 or 2 minutes here or there to do a set of lunges.  I do a 30 second plank while heating up my son's lunch in the microwave.  When the timer on the microwave goes off, I can get up.  Its super silly, but that is dead time in my day, anyway!  I do 50 jumping jacks during play time in the mornings and afternoons with little man, and he bounces up and down right along with me.  I feel like a good mom, setting the example of being active and not just being a couch potato.  We turn on some music and bounce to the beat!

By the end of the day I have anywhere from 5-20 minutes of workout under my belt, depending on how many sets I do.  Each set takes about one minute, and I am so out of shape, it usually is only about 10 reps, but over the course of the day I get in a decent amount of exercise.  Is it going to transform me into a bodybuilder? No.  Is it the ideal way to work out?  Probably not.  Is it better than nothing?  Man, I hope so!  Even though its not the fat burning, butt busting Insanity workout, its something realistic I can do and let me tell you, I really do feel the results.  I have sore abs the next day, I feel the strain in my legs, and the hubs swears I look better.  (I think he is just trying to get a little lovin, but I will take a compliment no matter what the motivation!)  It's several weeks in and I am actually sticking with it, although I do better some days than others.  I try not to feel guilty, and just keep making it a part of my routine.  As I go, I am increasing the reps per set and adding new exercises to the mix.  Wall sits are the next thing on the list!

Now I get to pick your brain.  What quickie exercises do you like that I can add to my routine?  I initially wanted to do something about my legs and abs, so I am pretty light on cardio and arms.  Any suggestions?  I'm looking for something that doesn't take any equipment so it fits in the budget and that can be done quickly so it fits in my day.  There are lots of great ideas out there, though, so keep them coming!

Homemade Sugar Free Applesauce

I started making applesauce for my son because I didn't trust commercial applesauces to actually be healthy and sugar free, and those little jars of baby food are way overpriced for just applesauce.  And then my husband tried it, you know, just licking off the spoon while feeding the baby.  Or something.  And now I am not ALLOWED to buy the store stuff haha.  Admittedly, I sometimes add a little brown sugar to get the apples to release their juices faster and add that caramel flavor, but its really not needed and I love the taste without.  This is a rough recipe because I usually make it "till it looks right" but I absolutely hate it when people say that in recipes, so I have done my best to measure things and time things at least generally.  Feel free to tweak where needed! :-)

Homemade Applesauce

4 Lbs of Apples - a mix of varieties is fine, and even recommended as long as they cook at roughly the same speed.  Choose a bagged bulk apple to save money.  Avoid using flavorless or overly tart apples like red delicious and granny smiths.  Try McIntosh, Pink Lady, Gala, Golden Delicious, or another tasty, firm fleshed variety.
2 t cinnamon
1/2 c raisins
Paring knife or peeler
chef's knife/santoku
Large stockpot or saucepan with a lid
food processor, blender, or potato masher
containers for storage

That's it!

1) Peel your apples using a paring knife or a vegetable peeler.  I prefer a knife because I think it actually goes faster while doing a better job and giving me more control, but I do tend to waste a little more apple.  If using a knife, make sure it is good and sharp to avoid slipping and cutting yourself!  Sharp knives are WAY less dangerous!

2) Once all your apples are peeled, use your chef knife to cut them into thin slices.  Rather than coring them the traditional way (cut into fourths and cut out the core with a paring knife, then slice into tiny wedges) which makes it hard to get even slices, try my way.  Put the apple on the board and place your knife about 1/4-1/2" away from the core.  Slice away that piece.

Put the apple cut side down on the cutting board and slice the same 1/4-1/2" away from the core on each side.

Turn to one side and cut out the last chunk.

I cut into the core which leaves hard pieces in the applesauce. Ick...

Hopefully you will have cleared the core!  If not try out a little farther on the next apple.  Slice each piece into thin slices (about 1/8" or so).  Try to keep your slices even.  If you have to, it is better to cut larger slices than to have uneven slices, because they will all cook at the same rate.  If you are very unsure of slices, cube them up.  Cubes work fine, but takes a little longer to cook.

Had to show off my good slicing!

3) Preheat your saucepan/stockpot on medium.  After all the apples are sliced, toss them in the pan.  They should sizzle just a tiny bit.  Cover the pot.  Stir them every 5 minutes or so, but try to keep them covered to keep in the moisture.  If the apples are sticking to the bottom, add a small amount of water (a Tablespoon or so) to loosen them up.  You may need to add more water if you have less juicy apples, but you would be surprised at how much water the apples release, and you are just diluting flavor when you add water, so hold off unless its absolutely necessary to keep them from burning!

If you don't see any steam, add a little water to the pot.

4) Cook about 15 minutes until the apples are starting to break down.  Add cinnamon and raisins to the pot. Cover and cook another 10-15 minutes until the apples are nicely broken down and the raisins are plump.

5) Dump the apples into a food processor or blender, or leave them in the pan and use a potato masher to smash them up (they may need to be a little more tender for the potato masher... use your judgement.  This is part of that "cook it till it looks right" thing haha).  Blend or process until the apples are in small pieces or completely blended if you want to use as a first food for babies.  I leave it chunky now because my 15 month old can handle it, but when he was first starting solids I added a little water or 100% juice and pureed the heck out of it!  It is delicious warm, or you can refrigerate 5 days or so, or freeze it in portions and thaw when you want it.  Makes roughly 5-6 cups. (10-12 jars of baby food)

Just add spoon.

If you like, you can add other dried fruit, add ginger or nutmeg with the cinnamon, or add some sugar.  Play with it and make it your own!  Hope you like it!