Lay down your life

John 15:13 King James Version  "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

I love this bible verse. So much so that I asked a friend to cross stitch it for me and it hangs in my kitchen.

On the surface this verse looks really straightforward - it's asking us to die for the people we love. We could probably extend that to the causes we believe in, like our country or fighting injustice. Like Christ. He died for us. Simple, right?

But I think this verse is so much more than that very literal interpretation.

You see, in my super cushy life, I don't have much chance of dying, either for a cause or a person. Because of my lack of exposure to death, and sacrifice in general, it's super easy to believe that I'd really die for another. (This is the part where I start singing "Ride" by 21 Pilots: "a bullet for them, a bullet for you, a bullet for everybody in this room. But I don't see many bullets coming through...metaphorically I'm the man, but literally I don't know what I'd do." It's a great song. Go YouTube it.)

Because for most of us our lives are unlikely to be demanded of us, we feel we can hear this verse and walk away in smug self righteousness. "I'd totally die for my neighbor. Go me!" End of story, right? Not only is that probably untrue, but it's incredibly shortsighted. There is so much more demanded of us in this verse. You see, we are conflating the words life and death. The story of our lives is not summed up by how we die! (Imagine the obituaries that would make! Lol!) If we understand that our lives are more than just how we die, why do we treat this verse so narrowly?!

For me, this verse can be boiled down to 2 things:

1) Live for others.

2) Risk yourself.

I can't really treat them as separate topics, though, because they are inextricably linked. So here goes!

Lay down your life for your friends to me means "live your life for others, not for yourself." This kind of self sacrificial living is a much greater demand than simply becoming a martyr for a cause, or a human shield. It expects us to live for others EVERY SINGLE DAY instead of just one moment of extreme conflict. Now, don't get me wrong, standing up to injustice when your life is on the line doesn't sound easy. But this verse challenges us to live each and every single day of our existence in a certain way. That takes diligence and practice and perseverance. (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.." I want this one in my kitchen, too. It was in my kitchen growing up.) We live our lives for others by valuing the welfare of the people around us (and in this global world, that means EVERYBODY) more than we value our own. That doesn't mean self abuse. It means making choices that allow others to shine, even if we do not. It means not getting our way all the time, and not whining about it or calling attention to it.

Ok, so we live our lives for others. But nuts and bolts, what does that MEAN? Well, here comes #2. We risk ourselves. And for us in our soft beds and comfortable lives that may sound weird. What is risky about the way we live? And I say, exactly! So what holds us back from doing the right thing - letting your husband pick the movie on movie night; re-prioritizing when you are busy up to here and someone comes to you in need; spending your money wisely so you have enough to give to others with greater need than you; approaching a homeless person and trying to help; asking someone on the side of the road if they need a ride or a jump or a cell phone; sticking up for a cashier or waitress getting abused by another customer; confronting that friend who is saying something racist; publicly admitting you are a Christian... What in the world stops us? Fear and Pride.

We are afraid of so many things in our world that shouldn't be scary. But the biggest one? Looking (or sounding) stupid. And where does that utterly irrational fear come from? PRIDE. We don't want to lose our standing in social circles by doing something daring. Uncomfortable. Unpopular. Nonconformist. RIGHT.

Well, my friends, I challenge you to risk yourself to live for others today. Go out there in the world that is lacking in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, and put yourself out there. Try something small to get you started. My favorite one to suggest is saying "God bless you" instead of just "Bless you" to people. It's subtle, but a start. Get your mind thinking about the ACTUAL consequences of doing a particular thing - is there really going to be a backlash? What is it? Is it more important to avoid those negative consequences and allow the situation to continue as is, or is there more value in acting? Get in the habit of making a quick pro/con list in your head when you see a situation. And then act.



A side note/disclaimer: I do not have any kind of degree in theology. My thoughts are my own and may or may not be absolutely correct. I also am super duper flawed. I do not practice what I preach. As Paul said (Romans 7:15;18-19 NIV) "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." So please, don't look at me and my stupid messed up sinful self and use it as a reason to hate Christians for being duplicitous and hypocritical. I freely admit that I am no better than you or anyone else. I struggle all the same as you. However, I am trying to listen to the Word and figure out what that means for me, in my slice of existence for my speck on the globe at this moment in history. Those are the thoughts I have shared here.

Listen to people who don't agree with you

A few years back, when this blog was more active, I read a book called Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and I began writing this post. The world has changed profoundly since I began writing this, and I think the message here is more important than ever.

Back to Rich Dad, Poor Dad: Simply put, it is inflammatory. The first half of the book was so infuriating, I wasn't sure reading it was good for my health. My blood pressure skyrocketed every time I cracked the cover, because I would get SO angry with what he said.

But I stuck with it. I read the whole book. Context didn't help me agree with him, but I understood his arguments. And while I don't agree with him on a LOT of things, I do actually agree with him on some things. And that was really surprising. Because, while we can be just POLAR OPPOSITES on some things, we did have some things in common. When I started the book I thought there was going to be absolutely nothing in there of any value because we were so far apart on so much. Our values were out of sync. But the truth is, I learned from it.  I learned how he looks at the world, and what he believes to be true. I listened to his arguments and even though I disagreed with a lot of the conclusions he came up with (as well as some premises that he began with) I just kept reading.

What I do next is up to me. I get to decide whether or not I agree, whether his ideas are sound, and whether or not I will choose to take some of his advice, or any at all.  But if I had not read his book, I would not get the benefit of another perspective. I couldn't possibly have understood his points without reading what his justifications were.  I could have assumed I understood, but I wouldn't have, in reality. So listen. Think. And THEN decide.

I am not telling you to swallow everything every book/person/news article/etc. feeds you. Quite the opposite. But when we listen with open minds rather than shutting down when someone doesn't agree with us, we expand our mindset and learn to make changes to our own beliefs and worldview.  It makes us better people.  So try not to get mad, try not to throw books out windows, and decide for yourself what is right and what is garbage.  But don't shut it out.  It could teach you something.

Further reading: How One Man Convinced 200 Ku Klux Klan Members To Give Up Their Robes

On Being Brave, Not Perfect

I listen to public radio. Like, a LOT. Yesterday as I was running errands for my mother in law, I caught part of an episode of On Point. The guest was Reshma Saujani, the woman who started Girls Who Code - a program that encourages girls to explore technology with the hopes of bridging the gender gap in the industry.  But she wasn't talking about coding... She was talking about sociology.

Her argument is that we as a society foster risk taking in boys while we teach girls to be perfect.  Doesn't sound so sinister. And yet, she pointed out the damage this does.  Women do not want to fail. I don't think anyone LOVES failure, but women really really don't.  We would rather quit entirely than fail at something.  And when we do, we experience massive backlash, both from our own internal monologue AND from the world around us.  We think that if we are not naturally amazing at something, it is not worth doing.  Being "just ok" at something is not acceptable.  We must either excel, or do something else. Listening to this show, I slowly began to realize that this had been the habit of my ENTIRE LIFE, including the conversation I had had with my husband that morning.

You see, I like being the best.  I get a lot of pleasure out of having the best brownies or the cutest outfit or making the prettiest things. But its not just pleasure.  I also NEED that positive reinforcement to feel I am doing well. But its not just feeling like I am doing well.  I CRAVE that positive reinforcement to tell myself I am a worthwhile person.  So failure?  Well that basically tells me I AM a failure.  Not that I did something wrong, but that something is wrong with ME as a PERSON.  That my value as a human on this earth is somehow lessened. It sounds preposterous when I type it out, but as I sit here writing, I can list you out dozens of times I have been paralyzed for fear of failure.  Here's a particularly good one.  I did not write the final English paper in my Junior year of high school.  It was worth more than half my grade.  I did that a lot in school, you see.  If I didn't know exactly how to begin and how to make it THE BEST PAPER EVER, I simply wouldn't start.  I failed a lot of classes that way, but I didn't fail the assignment... I simply got no points because I couldn't bear to be scrutinized and be found lacking. If I never tried, I couldn't fail.  Repeat that about a hundred times and you have my high school career. And Jr. Hi.  And basically everything after 2nd grade. Yikes.

So that leads me to today.  I missed a big chunk of the show, so I listened to it this morning via podcast. My world opened.  Her closing words were some advice on how to be brave.  The first was to practice being imperfect.  The last one was something like "just do it" so I decided to Nike myself.  I have wanted to write a blog for so long.  But I worried about things like, "what if no one reads it" and "what if people disagree with me and argue in the comments and its upsetting" or "what if what I write isn't correct" or "what if I never get any followers" or "what if it doesn't have a unifying theme and all my posts seem haphazard" or "what if I don't look professional..."  I constantly cut myself down over real or imagined threats to my perfection and therefore my self worth.  So here I am, publishing a post I have NOT rewritten 100 times.  Or even twice (Edited to add: yeah ok, I couldn't do it... I ended up at least proofreading and changing some wording...).  Although I did google the definition of sociology just to make sure I was using it right.  And of course I looked up Reshma's name so I could spell it correctly.  Twice.  But I am putting myself out there.  Raw and unfiltered.  Bravely.  Because with all the time I would spend agonizing over this post and rewriting it forever and then NEVER ACTUALLY PUBLISHING IT, I could be doing what I really want to do... Going back to school for fashion design.  Yep, that's the conversation I had with my husband this morning.  I am tired of being too afraid to live my life. Here is to many more brave, imperfect moments.  Let's do this together, women!